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Sponsor |  gyrlcentric | Dec 23, 2007 2:35pm |
Santa Is Quitting His Job
T'was the night before Christmas--
Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money--the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
I'm And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--NO request for them,
They want computers and robots..they think IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job..there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year..now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!
"MERRY CHRISTMAS"
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| | | WolvenRevelation | Dec 23, 2007 5:09pm |  |
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Sponsor | | carouselle | Dec 25, 2007 7:35pm | Single Black female
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips,cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever. (Men are so easy). |
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| | | WolvenRevelation | Dec 25, 2007 7:42pm | (7)
Are you sure they were all men? :-P |
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Sponsor | | carouselle | Dec 26, 2007 6:50am | | #8 Well, lets put it this way, they sounded like men! :P |
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Sponsor | | carouselle | Dec 29, 2007 10:51am | Speed Demon
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the
nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum
speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other
residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky
Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a
firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in
her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped
out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to
him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her,
Butt- Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Breathalyzer Test again.!!!" |
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